Occam's Razor
by Aurora18021
Summary: In the crew's downtime, River draws a picture and needs Jayne, of all people, to help [oneshot] prerayne, postBDM


**Occam's razor**

River Tam sighed softly, watching residue charcoal fly across her paper. Slowly, she picked up a blue pencil and began coloring.

"River?" Simon approached from behind his sister. "What are you drawing?" He asked pleasantly.

"You smell," she stated, sound almost annoyed. Her tongue poked out and her brow furrowed in concentration.

Simon could feel a blush creeping up his neck. "Well…um…I…" he stuttered continuously, tugging on his ear. The thought of his little _mei-mei_ smelling what he and Kaylee had been doing several minutes ago burned in his brain.

"A shower would be a logical action," River prompted, her eyes never leaving her paper.

Simon made a strangled noise and mumbled something in Chinese about having a Reader for a sister under his breath before exiting the dinning area.

River folded her legs in a yoga position and leaned forward, her nose nearly touching her drawing. For a long moment she just stared at the blue.

Too plain. One dimensional, she thought and picked up a green. Moving her hand deliberately, she sketched green above the blue.

After blending the colors together, River looked at her now turquoise fingertips. "Not permissible," she muttered. She rubbed her hand on her dress, leaving streaks of color behind.

Breathing in deeply through her nose, she contemplated her next move. Colors would not do justice, too much and too little of blue and green. Adding a smidge of white only worsened the picture.

"Inscrutable hues!" River yelled angrily. With a huff, she crossed her arms, leaning back in her chair.

"Pipe down, lil' one. Can hear ya at the bridge," Mal's authoritative voice echoed as he made his way to the kitchen. He opened the drawers and pulled out a protein bar.

"I am suffering a quandary," River told the Captain. "Man does not harness the rainbow; colors are evasive, fading away."

Mal gave the slight brunette a long look before biting into his bar. "Ain't sure I get yer meanin', but mankind don't got a lotta things."

River sighed again, looking at her drawing with longing. "Genius," she scoffed at herself. "Can't even emulate a simple color. Must proceed with an alternate plan…" she trailed off, pondering.

Deciding it was best to leave the young woman be, Mal headed out, calling over his shoulder, "Need ya at the bridge in 20 minutes, Albatross. Someone's gotta land us planet-side."

River waited until the Captain disappeared before resuming her thoughts. The most reasonable conclusion was to find an alternate method of imprinting the color on her paper from the source.

"Crazy, don't ya hear a word Mal says?"

Rolling her eyes, River decided that next time she would stay in her room so not to be disturbed by the constant presence and movement of the crew.

"I heard perfectly clear. '_Need ya at the bridge in 20 minutes, Albatross. Someone's gotta land us planet-side_.' It has only been 17 minutes and 23, 22, 21, 20…"

"I get it," Jayne snapped, cutting off her counting.

River glared at the large man who plopped himself across from her with a protein bar. Suddenly, she sat up straight. "I present a request."

Jayne's eyes narrowed a little. "'m listen'," he said, indulging the crazy girl.

"I need to borrow your eyeballs," she told him seriously.

Jayne blinked once. Twice. "What the gorram hell are ya on?" He demanded, his chair scraping against he floor as he backed up.

"I will proceed accordingly. Simon will surgically remove your eyeballs and I will study them closely. If I stay with in the proper timeframe, your vision can be partially restored during reattachment," River explained eagerly with a beatific smile.

"Aw hell, Moonbrain," Jayne said in disgust. "Don't know who rightly told ya to go 'round askin' for people's parts, but that ain't right." He shook his head. "An' yer fancy brother says yer better."

River blinked, her eyes swimming with tears. Her crestfallen face tilted downward to study her palms. "My hands will not make it," she said softly.

Jayne gave his best intimidating scowl. "Hands don't need be takin' my eyeballs, ever."

Finally River pushed her drawing towards Jayne, meeting his eyes searchingly. "I understand. There is no pigment yet I see the ocean. The process is simple yet the results are unsettling, complicated."

Jayne's brow creased in concentration. "Ya sayin'…my eyes are like the gorram ocean?"

"Correct," River affirmed. "I am attempting to recreate the hue on paper, to make the ocean with the sharks and the dolphins and the fishes and the coral and the plankton…those are hard."

The mercenary was still trying to connect his eyes to the drawing. "An' ya need my eyes 'cause they got the color?"

"Yes," River said, more impatiently this time.

Jayne looked down at her drawing. It was so detailed, it was overcrowded. Names were written along each little piece of the picture. "Maybe ya shouldn't be tryin' so hard. Ain't ever gonna draw the real ocean. Make it simple, ya know?"

"Occam's razor?" River echoed.

Jayne rolled his eyes. Stupid crazy girl. "Nobody's razor's involved, girl. Don't know where ya got razor outta ocean."

A small smile flittered across River's lips. "It is a logical principle. Eliminate unneeded variables not equivalent to the phenomenon."

"Whatever," Jayne mumbled, brushing off the fact he still didn't know what the hell was coming out of her mouth.

River stood up on her chair before gracefully leaping off. "Man-Called-Jayne shows signs of intelligence," she half-teased.

Shut it, ya ruttin' loony," Jayne hollered as River skipped down the hall. "'m plenty smart!"

He didn't bother to go chase the girl for insulting him, wasn't worth it when they should be in a bughouse.

Or when they might go killer-woman on him.

Or when they smelled like cinnamon and apples.

A/N:(no actual procedure can remove eyeballs and put them back in)


End file.
